Disabled, but Determined

"I Want" Wednesday.... 67

2010-01-27T00:07:00.000-06:00

This week's questiuon is:

What do you want to find in your brain?

It's simple, I wish I could fin my neurons and electrons working properly so that I am able to use my limbs voluntarily again.

REAL SIMPLE

Being Tested

2010-01-11T23:42:00.002-06:00

Even before I awake the devil is plotting, but with listening to the Holy Spirit I was able to prevail.

I was awakened this morning by loud talking. Both my parents were on phone calls and they were absolutely talking too loud, in my opinion. My first reaction was to yell and complain, but I thought about it and listened to the Holy Spirit as it told me to calm down and look at the positive. The positive was that my mom was helping someone and my dad wasn't even on the phone long enough to complain about it.

It was so hard to push those feelings aside, but with daily listening and OBEYING I pray it will get better, even to the point that it's not an issue with me.

I will continue to pray and spend time in the WORD.

Me Starting Over

2010-01-10T15:34:00.002-06:00

Friday night I had a breakthrough, in my opinion. I'm so happy just thinking about it.

This year I am going to be a better Christian, not just in my words, but also in my actions. God has been too good to me to take Him and His love for granted. Worshipping Him will be a priority and spreading His word, too. I know that I'm not where I should be in my Christian walk, and with the guidance of the Holy Spirit, and me letting self die daily I will strive to be the vessel that God intended for me to be.

Why the Attitude?

2010-01-07T12:40:00.003-06:00

For the past couple of weeks everytime I ask her to do something for me while she's in here every 4 hours, she gets an attitude. She doesn't verbally say anything all the time, but it is apparent that she's ticked off about something. I mean, I ask and she twists her mouth, clicks her lips and rolls her eyes. I would ask her about but....I don't know. Yeah, I hate that I'm in this situation as much as she does and if I could change it, I would in a heartbeat. Right now it is what it is.

Getting Up Is Hard....

2010-01-05T04:29:00.002-06:00

....especially when you sleep all day. Yesyterday was one of those days, but I hope today will be better.

There is hope in trying...I think.

Yep, She's Bipolar

2010-01-03T18:33:00.002-06:00

I have no clue what my sister is thinking most of the time, but I do think that she is bipolar or at the very least has those tendencies. I say this because last night she came in my room and I asked her why was she using a certain towel and the chick just snapped. I was totally shocked and a little offended, to be honest. It was an innocent question and I was truly curious. She better be glad I was in that bed or I would've punched her in the eye, for that remark. Just kidding, she could easily take me out. But on a serious note, she does need to get that issue checked out.

Things I Want to Accomplish This Year

2010-01-02T17:33:00.003-06:00

We are 2 days into a new year and a new decade. The last year a lot of things happened that made me smile, cry and shake my head in disbelief. I'm not big on doing resolutions, so I figured I would just create a list of things I want to accomplish this year.

Okay, here goes, in no particular order:

Teach my class every sabbath.
Visit my friends who are out of state.
Attend GC
Take my mom to a parade. (She has a fascination with parades.)
Visit my friends in the state that I didn't hang out with in '09.
Make a list of things to do and have my siblings compose one with me.
Go out at least 3 times a week.
Try at least 1 recipe found on FoodNetwork, at least once a month.
Prepare for a cruise in 2011.
Get back in the classroom, in some capacity.
Study the Bible more.
Plan a party for my grandma.
Write on this blog at least 4-5 times a week.
Organize a church clean-up.
Organize a youth program

Goodbye 2009

2009-12-31T23:47:00.007-06:00

THE YEAR IN REVIEW

This year is almost over and another one is about to begin and I just want to do a quick recap, according to me.

Well, I started the year in cold sweats and realized I needed medical attention for a pressure sore. After that was taken care of, I lost the one person who I thought knew how I truly felt being disabled and all. I didn't realize the loss would affect me in the way that it did, but that only meant that he was truly a part of my life. I spent spring break in Memphis and planned on spending the summer on the coast, but that didn't happen. I went to the circus, but not the zoo. This summer a lot of famous people died and I was deeply saddened. My dad had a milestone birthday and I was able to see a lot of relatives with whom I hadn't seen in a while. I stopped chatting online, who knew that would ever happen? My friends visited and kept me in their lives. My sister had trouble breathing and I found a knot on my breast, THANK GOD HE WAS THERE TO RESOLVE THOSE ISSUES. I turned another year older and although some people didn't remember, my nephew sang "Happy Birthday" so I'm okay. We lost a great pastor, but I think we also gained a great one. I spent Thanksgiving and Christmas really with family, which is rare, but was good. And last, but not least, I was reminded that I am loved by family when my New Year's tradition, unbeknownst to me, was upheld.

This was a great year and I hope and pray next year will be even better.

No Shirt Pulling Up for Her

2009-08-04T15:36:00.004-05:00

JayCee and I are at it once again. Sometimes she likes to see just how far she can go with me, because in essence she knows I can't spank her. Well, anyway yesterday I made her lie down and take a nap. She really didn't want to but I insisted and she did go to sleep.

After waking up, we discussed her taking a nap. I told her that if she hadn't laid down, she would have gotten a spanking. She asked me who would've spanked her. I said, "either your daddy or granddaddy." She was like "they don't have a belt and my belt doesn't hurt me, you would need a big belt." I said, "granddaddy has on a belt." She went to see how big it was, but because his belt was the same color as his pants, she couldn't see it. So she comes back in the living room saying "he doesn't have a belt." I instructs her to go and pull his shirt up in the back so that she will be able to see the belt. This girl looks at me and as serious as she can says, "I'm not pulling up granddaddy's shirt, that ain't right. You don't do that."

Mama fell out laughing.

Food Makes Me Sleep

2009-08-03T19:11:00.002-05:00

I believe that someone is crushing sleeping pills into my food. LOL, I know this is ridiculus, but for some reason for the past two weeks everytime I eat, I feel drowsy. I have been going to bed basically right after the sun sets and sleeping ALL night.

Now I'm not complaining about the amount of time that I spend sleeping because sleeping is a favorite pastime of mine, it's just a little suspicious. Is my bro "spiking" my food? I'll update you on my findings.

Why Aren't You On Your Knees?

2009-07-29T04:43:00.004-05:00

We have family worship every morning and evening. Monday, JayCee participated, but I did not. I was in the bed in my room. After prayer, JayCee came to my room and in the most innocent voice said to me, "why didn't someone come and pick you up and put you on your knees so that you could pray?"

This caught me so off-guard and it was so innocent that I couldn't do anything but laugh.

That girl is hilarious.

Friday 5: Dairy

2009-06-19T17:10:00.002-05:00

Hello, and welcome to this week’s Friday 5!

What are your feelings about milk? I love milk, especially if it's ice cold.

What are your feelings about cheese? Love cheese if it's not too salty...Parm isn't my fav.

What are your feelings about yogurt? I like the "whipped" version better than the creamy.

How do you feel about soy milk? I like it, but it's been a while since I've had any.

How far are you from the nearest cow? Not sure

Thanks for participating, and have a moooooooving weekend!

Find more Friday5 here.

I REALLY Will Try to do Better

2009-06-19T16:34:00.003-05:00

I know I've been neglecting my responsibilities with this blog, but sometimes I honestly don't know or have things to write about. I will try to make it more of a priority....I promise.

The last time I wrote, it was about my excruciating back pain. To solve this problem, I started turning my bed in weird directions instead of my body. This helped along with prayer. I was prayed over and anointed at church and the pain disappeared. Iwas so relieved and happy to be pain-free. In addition to praying for my aching back, there was prayer for my healing and restoration of my spinal cord and nerves. I was not immediately healed, but I still believe that I will be healed.

Keep praying and believing.

I'm In So Much Pain

2009-05-14T21:01:00.002-05:00

I awakened this morning in so much pain. The right side of my back is hurting so bad. It feels like a torn muscle. Now you may ask "what have I been doing to strain or tear muscles?" The only thing I know that could have caused this excruciating pain is me twisting my mid-section to either see the television or get in a comfortable position to go to sleep. Whatever the reason, this is NOT a good feeling. I just pray that this pain goes away and goes away quickly.

Hot Flashes and Such

2009-04-28T03:44:00.003-05:00

If this is any indication of how summer will be, I'm in for some trouble. The weather over the past couple of days has been in the upper 80s and terribly miserable, in my opinion. It's not supposed to be like this at this time of the year. I don't know what this world is coming to when it's mid-April and it feels like June in this house. And although I do have a problem with the heat, it probably wouldn't be so bad if the occupants of this house would stop turning the AC off when we're here and on when we're away. How backwards is that? Whenever we decide to leave the house, some genius turns the AC on, I suppose in anticipation of our return and wanting it to be cool. But what about when we're in the house, should we just suffer or burn. Don't know what's up with that, maybe I'll ask and just maybe I'll get an answer. But anyway, I don't know what's going on with my body because I'm usually not a hot-tempered person, whatever that means.

Attacked

2009-04-21T01:29:00.004-05:00

I was aiming to do more writing and posting this month than I had done in the past, but my out-of-town trip kind of interferred. But, I'm back and hopefully can accomplish my goal of writing more often.

The trip was taken kind of on a whim and I along with my parents visited Marchesa and his parents. I had fun, but not even 24 hours into the trip I was attacked. Not by lion, tiger, or bear, but by Marchesa. I love him but I did not appreciate the scratch he left on my temple. Next time he decides he wants a remote control, I will gladly give it up.

Anyway, the trip was okay and I had fun and most importantly, I ate good while away. That's a major bonus. Don't know when I'll return, but know Marchesa, I'll be back.

Oh, I almost forgot. I went shopping and bought some new shoes.

Friday 5: 5 Ws, Part 2

2009-04-10T20:07:00.003-05:00

Hello, and welcome to this week’s Friday 5!

What’s something you know how to draw? nothing, can barely draw a circle
Who’s someone you could get away with impersonating? no one, I barely think I sound like myself since my trach
Where’s the stapler? at church, I believe was the last place I used it
Why will this be a great weekend? wedding and friends gathering
When are you going to make that phone call you’ve been putting off? not anytime soon

Thanks for participating, and have an unquestionably fantastic weekend!

Heel Progress

2009-04-10T19:58:00.003-05:00

I went to the doctor yesterday and I'm glad to report that my heel wound is completely healed. The doctor and nurses were surprised and excited. I'm glad that I don't have to go anymore for my heel, but sad that I won't be seeing the doctor and nurses anymore. They are such nice and friendly people. Thanks for taking care of me.

Vanity Is the First Thing to Go

2009-04-01T09:28:00.004-05:00

I watched Michael J. Fox on Oprah yesterday and was truly moved. He has had Parkinson's Disease for 19 years and was on the show explaining the obstacles and hurdles, as well as the triumphs he has had throughout this period in his life. As he was speaking, one thing stood out in the conversation and that was the comment made "vanity is the first thing to go." I was so shocked to hear this, but totally agreeable, that I decided to look inward and determine how I view vanity.

As I was doing my own soul searching, I realized that I really haven't let go of that feeling of worrying how outsiders view me and my disability and I realize I may be holding on, to my own detriment. This view is also affecting my life and who I may ask for assistance in helping me do tasks. I am now on a quest to let the vanity go, and do the things that I must do to improve my life and become a better and more independent person.

Another interesting thing Michael said was "failure keeps up from doing things." This hit extremely close to home. I am terrified of failure. I mean failure at anything, and this injury really has NO tolerance for fears, so I must nip this fear thing in the bud. To be honest, there are days when I feel like I haven't come to terms with my disability and this denial may affect my progress and rehabilitation because of the fear. Don't know why I'm writing about this now, but better late than never, and I'm about self-improvement.

It's NOT Laziness, It's A Spinal Cord Injury

2009-03-30T14:17:00.004-05:00

I have been thinking about this for quite some time now, but a comment a couple of weeks ago prompted me to write about it and hopefully shed some light on those who are in the dark. And to be on the safe side, if you don't know/aren't sure what you're talking about keep your mouth closed, bite your tongue, do whatever you need to do to keep your opinion/suggestion/motivational tactic to yourself.

A few weeks ago I heard someone say that I'm not walking yet b/c I'm lazy. That's the most ridiculous thing I've heard in my life. The truth is, I'm not walking because I have a spinal cord injury. Meaning that the messages that my nerves are sending are not getting to brain. My spinal cord injury is not fiction or something I made up, it's real and just because YOU feel like or think I should be doing something based on your "expertise" or someone else's SCI condition and progress, doesn't make it true. Every one and each situation is unique and people must remember that. And I do understand that people want to help and only want the best for me, but you don't help by making fun of the adaptive equipment and things designed to help me. When I already have to deal with and adjust to so much, I shouldn't have your insensitive remarks added to that and be forced to handle that too. So, just understand, that as much as you want me to walk, know that I want it twice as much. But, I can't just tell my legs and fingers to work, I've done that on more than one occasion and got nothing. If you want to help, REALLY think about the things you say before they come out and imagine how you would feel if those same things were said to you.

Once I Get On My Feet...

2009-03-29T02:45:00.002-05:00

I am really going to get my brother. He is always playing jokes on me and with me. All of the jokes are not bad, but some makes my desire to walk stronger. For example, Thursday after leaving out the grocery store, he rolled me into the area where the grocery carts are stored in the parking lot. I am not a grocery cart, so why would he place me there? Some joke, and to top it off, after my mom came out the store and realized where I had been placed, she started laughing. This was not funny...lol.

I have one thing to say: my brother better watch his back, once I get on my feet.

Thursday Thunk- by the Thunkers Themselves

2009-03-26T06:46:00.003-05:00

1. What is your favorite type of soda (if you drink soda)? I don't think I have a favorite, as long as it's caffeine-free.
2. Do you believe in astrology? If so, what does your sign say about you? nope
3. Who is John Galt? I have no clue
4. What is the last thing you do before you go to sleep at night? pray
5. Who's your Daddy?
6. Jelly beans or Jelly Bellies? jelly beans
7. What do you think about yellow car? Why car manufacturer actually made yellow cars? Some models are cute, but every car doesn't look good yellow.
8. Holding on or Letting go? holding on
9. What kind of underwear, if any, do you wear? comfortable, pretty ones
10. Who is your daddy and what does he do? He does whatever he wants to do
11. Spring - is it here yet?? yes/no
12. Does Google Streetview scare you? not really. I find it useful
13. What is your favorite brand of ice cream? anything but Blue Bell, that stuff's too sweet
14. What is your favorite flavor of ice cream? Cookies n cream
15. Do you ever get tired of your everyday routine? definitely
16. What inspires you? children who overcome obstacles
17. It’s springtime-do you spend more time outdoors? I should
18. When do you think Bud will let us see the DVD of him and the french twins? Huh?
19. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you, and why? Not really sure, but I'm certain I'd stay in the US, just a different state
20. Why do you blog? To help me remember things, lol
21. What are electrolytes and why are they good for us? You should go back to school.
22. Do you twitter? Why or why not? No, I even hate texting.
23. What did you dream last night? Trust me, you do not want to know.
24. What is the strangest thing you've eaten? I don't eat weird things.
25. What was the last picture that you took? The new Cowboys stadium
26. what is your favorite part of spring? the rain
27. what is one thing that you did this past week that no one knows about?
28. What kind of bandages do you typically have in your household? all types, it's like a hospital in here

I Should Sell My Blood and Urine on the Street

2009-03-06T14:42:00.003-06:00

I've been writing about my doctor visits and how they've been going and everything, but nothing prepared me for this. In January I went to see my doctor and got a nurse instead. It was okay because she was really nice. But anyway, I got the bill from that office visit and it was $600.00. "What is wrong with these people", was my first thought. I called the business office because I knew there had to be a mistake, I hadn't done anything there besides give blood and pee in a cup. I talked to the representative and was informed that this was no mistake, they were indeed charging me 600.00 for "lab work". That lab work included testing blood and urine. I'm totally shocked. Who would've thought that blood and urine would cost sooo much. At this price, I should be selling my clean urine on the street. This is ridiculous and makes absolutely no sense.

The Sweating Stopped

2009-02-11T20:04:00.004-06:00

I went to the doctor about 3 weeks ago to check on things and figure out why I was constantly sweating. I go to my check-up and am told that because I've been sweating and having pain in my hip, I'm going to need a bone scan to make sure everything's okay. In addition to the bone scan, I was told I had skin breakdown on my heels and to fix this, I would be referred to a wound doctor.

I went to the wound doctor and the sore was debred, don't know where that word comes from. Basically, the hard, dead skin was scraped off and that night I didn't sweat. AMEN. I've been going to the wound center for about 3 weeks now and my heel is healing and I'm soooo thankful and happy.

One extra note: The nurses at the wound center are the nicest nurses ever.

Doctors, Doctors, Doctors

2009-01-27T17:41:00.002-06:00

I've said before that I HATE, HATE, HATE going to the doctor, hospital, or anyplace of that nature. Yesterday I went to the doctor to check on this sweating that has been happening. Well, what do you know, I didn't see my neurosurgeon, but rather a nurse practitioner and I must say she was extremely nice and I may have found a new doctor..lol.

Well, after seeing the doctor, I found out today that I have even more doctor to go to. Because I can't tell if something is hurting on me, tests are needed to confirm that I'm healthy and okay. I now have bone scans and other tests scheduled for later this week. I'm not scared or anything, which is surprising. I just want to find out why I've been sweating and get my heel healed. I also had blood work done and I found out the best needle for me, the butterfly.

I hope everything's okay with me and this has taught me to pay close attention to my body and when something changes, take note and get it checked out.

Therapy Ends, Motivation Kicks In

2009-01-23T19:24:00.003-06:00

There are so many things that I want to do on my own, but find them quite difficult or sometimes virtually impossible. But today after talking with my therapist, I have a renewed interest in trying out a couple things. Things designed to make me a more independent, self-reliant person. Because independence is so important to me, I feel that the more independent I am, the happier I'll be.

My therapy ended today, so I was curious as to what I could continue to do on my own and Becky provided me with a lot of information. I am definitely excited to try the exercises, I just hope the fam is willing to assist. You see, my family gets on me about not doing things or not trying or wanting to do new things, but then they get irritated when disturbed. I'm like, "I can't win." How can you insist I be as independent as possible, but you get mad when I want to try something and need your help? I think I'm going to disregard all the negativity and do what's best for me. I'm ready and excited about my life and things to come.

Side note: my emotions are like a roller coaster.

10 spinal injury patients in CA will start a trial this summer with embryonic stem cells.

I'm So Far From Normal

2009-01-13T03:50:00.004-06:00

It's 4 o'clock in the morning and instead of sleeping like a normal person, I'm wide awake. Why you ask? Because of pain. My back is hurting so bad and my fingers feel like they're getting tighter every minute. I don't know why my fingers are feeling like this, but I hope it ends soon.

On another note: I don't think I'm crazy or anything, but it feels like something is terribly wrong with my hip bone. I think something's growing near the place where my bone graft is located. It just feels different to me, but my mom thinks I'm crazy. As I write about this, I do suddenly feel a little off. Hope it's nothing.

I'm Late....As Usual

2009-01-08T20:32:00.006-06:00

I know it's a bit late, but this is my first post of '09, so I must say HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!! Last year went by extremely fast, in my opinion, but I'm glad it's over with and into another one. I must say, this year kinda got off to a rough start for me and I'm only eight days in. Now, if I can't do anything, I think I can tolerate pain. I mean, I usually hurt daily, but without complaint. But, I hope these past few days isn't an indicator for what's ahead for me this year.

For starters, my wisdom teeth decided to make an appearance this year, and we all know how painful a toothache is. I mean I was hurting so badly that I called for a dentist. This even surprised me, but that is what pain will do to you.

I also was tricked because I thought that if I started back taking my medicine, I would stop all this weird sweating that's doing a number on my hair. But noooo, I'm still sweating and in essence, going to the beauty shop in vain. But I did make an appointment and hopefully two weeks from now, I'll know why I've been sweating and ended it, too.

I know I haven't written much, but I'm tired now. I'll be back real soon.

I've Decided to See to the Doctor

2008-12-19T19:15:00.003-06:00

I don't know about you, but if there's one thing I really, really hate, it's going to a doctor's office, clinic, hospital, etc., basically anything medical related. I have no idea why I hate it so much. But, when I think about it, who enjoys visiting those places?

Well anyway, I've decided to make an appointment to see my neurologist because for a couple weeks now I have been sweating profusely on the left side of my body. Weird, I know. It gets even weirder. I only sweat when I'm laying on my right side or I've noticed, when I'm in church. And the sweating occurs on the left side of my face, down my neck, and halfway down my left arm. Soooo very crazy.

I have no idea why this sweating started, but now it's affecting my sleep and when things start affecting my sleep, they must immediately be dealt with. Hence, the reason I need to be seeing my cute doctor as soon as possible. I just hope he doesn't prescribe me ANY size pill. Yes, I hate taking pills, too.

I've Been On Vacay

2008-12-14T06:16:00.003-06:00

But apparently not from therapy. Therapy is going really well. Yes, my therapist is still whooping my butt, but I guess it's all okay.

On another note:
A lot of people have been asking me lately "if I'm going to return to the classroom" and for some unknown reason I'm having doubts. Well, not exactly doubt, but a hesitation to return to the elementary classroom. I now wrestle with the idea of applying for a job at the college level. Don't get me wrong, I love children and would love to return to them, but I feel I have too many limitations to adequately provide them the educational experience they deserve. At the college level I feel as if I won't be a hindrance on people because of the area I would agree to teach in. And if not the college level, maybe middle or high school. I haven't made a decision as to what I'm going to do with the rest of my life, but I do hope I'm happy and fulfilled.

My Early Present

2008-11-26T14:07:00.003-06:00

I really don't view myself as a person who wants for a lot of material things, though some would disagree pre-accident. I feel as if I'm very content with what I have. With that said, I got the BEST PRESENT EVER Monday. Wanna know what it was? Okay, it's nothing big, but it made my day, made me smile and I was soooooo excited.

Let me get to the big reveal. With my mom's, sister's and brother's help, my bedroom was cleaned from top to bottom. No, it wasn't nasty or anything, it was just really unorganized. I had not done a good job of organizing and finding a place to store things in such a long time, that things had started finding a home any place that it landed and that fact was bothering me. Well, I was tired of the mess and my family came to the rescue. I now have more space and my room feels more relaxing. A big thanks to my peeps. No need to get me anything, I'M HAPPY!!!!!!!!!

My 4 Year Anniversary

2008-11-11T07:15:00.004-06:00

Four years ago my life changed dramatically. In an instant, I went from being a vibrant, independent, working young woman to a paralyzed, fighting for my life, unconscious, dependent young woman. Although I count it a blessing to be alive,and I truly believe this is my test, my life is nothing as I once knew it. Four years ago dependency became my reality, for now. I say right now, because I do not believe that this situation is permanent.

Okay, let me tell you what happened, as I know it.

On Thursday, November 11, 2004, on my way to work, I was a 4th grade teacher, I had a single car accident. My car went off the road, down the embankment, and I'm told, flipped about 13 times. (I don't know how true that is.) Well, the car came to rest upright, on the opposite side of the road in the middle of a field. (During the flipping and all, I was knocked unconscious, supposedly by the airbag. That's not all the airbag did, either.Wait for it, it's coming.) When my consciousness came back, after what seemed like an eternity, but was only maybe 5 minutes, a passer-by stopped to assist me. I gave him my home number and he called my parents as well as the ambulance.

I was in and out of consciousness waiting on the ambulance, which happened to go in the wrong direction when coming to get me. Well, when the EMTs arrived they realized that they needed the Jaws of Life to cut me out of the car, so more waiting. The Jaws came and they cut me out and someone slapped a neck brace on me. I was taken to the hospital where I saw my mom. Others were there, but I don't really remember them. I do however remember as the doctors cut my pants, that I was not wearing matching underwear. (I know I have a strange sense of humor, lol.) Anyway, the hospital was small and therefore unable to handle my condition, which was still unknown at this point. I was stabilized and transferred to another hospital about 45 minutes away.

I can't tell you much about what happened at this hospital, because frankly I don't remember. I only remember getting an MRI and thinking as I was rolled through the halls that "it is too early in the morning for lights to be that bright." (There's that crazy thinking again.) At this hospital is where my family was told that I had broken at least two bones in my neck and was paralyzed. This hospital couldn't treat me, so they decided to airlift me to the hospital in the capital city which was a Level I trauma center.

Getting in the helicopter, I told the nurse that I always wanted to ride in a helicopter. She responded, "this is not the ride you were hoping for." I must have lost consciousness again because the next thing I remember was getting unloaded onto the roof of the hospital.

Over the next few days I was poked and prodded and unfortunately flat lined twice. I was put on a ventilator, had tubes inserted into my chest and stomach, my lungs collapsed, got a trachea, a plate was put in my neck, had a staph infection, and to top it all off, I got a halo inserted into my skull for my birthday. I, well my family, was informed that I had not broken 2 bones, but 4 bones in my neck.

After all of that and staying in ICU and not being able to talk because of the trachea, I was moved to a room on the floor, then to a rehab facility. I stayed in rehab for a month, then came home. I had good days and bad days there, but family and friends were always around to be supportive.

Oh, almost forgot about that airbag. Even though my car was totalled and it seemed as if I should have died, I didn't have a bone broken in my body except for those in my neck, which leaves me to believe that although air bags are meant to save lives, they are the reason why my neck was broken.

This is my test and I'm praying for a miracle.

Rest Needed and Taken, Too

2008-11-09T20:16:00.002-06:00

If one intends to stay on the phone for half the night, sleep is sure to be a must the following day. I am definitely a night person. Don't know why I'd rather stay up all night and sleep more than half the day. One could only guess where I inherited that gene. It's weird, but it works...sometimes.

Middles

2008-11-07T15:26:00.006-06:00

1. What usually marks the middle of your day? Therapy or watching semi-homemade cooking. Weird, I know.
2. From whom (or to whom) was your most recent middle-of-the-night phone call? Jeff
3. On what social, political, economic, or moral issue are you in the middle of the road? Probably stem cell research.
4. How likely are you to give someone your middle finger? Not likely, that's mean.
5. When were you last caught in the middle of a disagreement that really had nothing to do with you? Can't remember, I really try to mind my own business

Find more Friday 5 memes here.

A New Day

2008-11-05T18:34:00.003-06:00

Today we awoke in a new America. We elected a new president yesterday, Barack Obama. He will be the 44th president and he just happens to be African-American. He stands for change and is ready to take this country in a new direction. I'm not that old, and I am grateful to be a part of history and watch history in the making. In his speech last night, President-Elect Obama started the unitying and healing of this country and for that, I AM PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN.

Michael Jackson, Glue, Walls, Popcorn, TP, & Animals

2008-10-30T07:44:00.005-05:00

I went to Thursday Thunk and found the following meme:

This week we will answer some unusual questions, brought to you by Berleen, the color black and the number 13.

Would you let your children go Trick or Treating at Michael Jackson's house? I THINK NOT
Did you eat paste and/or glue as a child? I don't think I did, although I did like putting it on my hand, letting it dry and peeling it off.
Look at the wall to your right, what is on it? Pictures of me.
Do you put butter and/or salt on your popcorn? Butter, salt and pepper.
What does your favorite coffee cup look like? White
What was your favorite Halloween costume? I don't remember ever having a costume.
Toilet Paper - hard, soft, extra soft? extra soft
Have you ever rescued/taken in a stray animal? no
Name 3 things you want your kids to learn before they grow up. (if you don't have kids, feel free to skip this one or add your own twist to the question) If I had kids, I would want them to learn about God, respect, and how to make good decisions.
Pick one of the Thursday Thunk players and say something about them. I'm picking her because her blog is funny and makes me smile.

Still Nursing My Wound

2008-10-29T09:20:00.004-05:00

I wrote yesterday about how my therapist worked me on Monday. An update: I'm still hurting. I've been stuck here rubbing this all over my throbbing arm. So, if I'm rubbing that cream, you know I must be smelling like .

Therapy Kicked My Butt

2008-10-28T09:30:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I had therapy and I'm not sure if my therapist was upset or if we were inevitably moving up in progress, but she worked me and worked me good. I mean, I don't usually sweat and yesterday before we were even halfway through my session, I was sweating as if I was running a marathon. Now sweating may be okay with the normal person, but because of possible autonomic disreflexia, I fear sweating.

The workout to strengthen my biceps was intense and so unexpected. (I'm smiling now because I was wrong when thinking the therapist would not be demanding.) Long after the workout, I was sill feeling its effects and realize I may just be getting stronger and able to control my biceps even more. I look forward to working even harder and getting more back.

My Newest Find

2008-10-27T05:44:00.004-05:00

I love shopping at Wal-Mart and finding great deals, but I'm not one to dart to its shoe dept. in hopes of finding shoes. No, I do my shoe shopping at other stores. Well, Saturday I realized that my Nike's have been rubbing my heels and are causing sores. Let me say, I DON'T need another problem with my body, on my foot or any place for that matter. So, I've decided to retire those Nike's and wear shoes that won't cause me harm. Being paralyzed limits my options as to which shoes I'm willing to wear, not wanting to cause my foot to drop or having enough room to allow my feet to swell, which they will inevitably do.

Anyway, I was in Wal-Mart minding my own business when I saw these boots in the aisle. They were a mix between a clog and those Ugg boots. They were sitting in the aisle calling my name and I was immediately drawn to them. I saw a brown pair and thought "those would not hurt my heel and that makes it a plus, but they're cute and that makes them a MUST-HAVE".

I LOVE shoes, but since my accident I have not had the best of luck with finding ones that are cute and are able to meet my needs as a quad. So when these came into sight, you know I had to jump at this opportunity and buy them in both black and brown. Yes, I got two pair. I'm so excited and can't wait to wear them.

I will post pictures when I'm able to.

I Know I'm Needed

2008-10-25T07:00:00.000-05:00

I talked to one of the teachers at the school and she asked would I be willing to come to the school and assist with the failing students. I informed her that I was told to wait. School has been in session for months now and I have no idea why the principal hasn't contacted me. I know for a fact that I am truly needed, despite the fact that the principal's actions would suggest otherwise. I really want to return, but I HATE, HATE, HATE begging people for things, even if that thing is a job. I may attend the Thanksgiving program and talk to the principal again and remind her that I am available, but until then, I'll wait.

Where, Oh Where?

2008-10-24T05:11:00.003-05:00

http://www.friday5.org/

I went here and found this little meme.

Where’s your favorite beach? Because I've only been to one, I would have to say the one on the coast of MS.
Where’s your favorite place to spend money? Anywhere clothing are present. LOL
Where’s a good place to watch people? Sitting in a parking lot.
Where’s a good place to be totally alone? On your back porch or deck.
Where’s a place outside of work (or school) where you’re likely to run into people from work (or school)? Probably the mall or church.

Thanks for participating and have a great weekend, wherever you spend it

The Pills and My Mood

2008-10-17T16:46:00.002-05:00

I started back, after a long hiatus, taking medicine that had been prescribed to me. Now I probably didn't need to stop in the first place, but that is a mute point now. I did it and I'm now trying to correct that wrong. Anyway, I've been taking my pills for about a month now and I tell you, either my mind is playing tricks on me or these pills are really bringing me down. I joked that I would need to start taking uppers because I'm feeling down so much. My current state of mind is mixed. My nerves are "shot". I've been very irritated and I can't seem to shake these feelings and moods. I don't know what I'm going to do about these feelings, but something has to give. I hope I don't have to give up my medicine....again.

Physical Therapy

2008-10-08T10:00:00.000-05:00

I'm trying to be proactive in my life and trying to "get back on the ball." I started physical therapy Monday. I was SO excited. I had therapy while in the hospital and for a short time after coming home, but for the most part, I haven't been doing any type of rehabilitaton in at least a year. That is bad, but honestly, my head wasn't in it. For reasons unknown, maybe denial or whatever, I just wasn't invested in doing therapy. BUT, the tide has turned. I'm ready, willing and excited about therapy and all that it entails. I pray that I'll not only get stronger, but feelings that were supposedly gone or lost, return to pre-accident status. I'm looking to use this opportunity to resume my road to recovery and have amazingly awesome things happen in my life.

Keep me in your prayers.

Blogging's Effect

2008-09-23T02:19:00.002-05:00

Thanks to this blog and my need to talk about things on here, I was finally motivated to apply for my upgraded teacher's license and I'm proud to say that last week my license arrived in the mail. YAY for me. NOW, I'm ready to teach.

My Body Does Its Own Thang

2008-09-09T17:54:00.004-05:00

Yesterday was not one of my better days. It started off kind of okay, but after I ate breakfast it was all downhill. Looking at me you wouldn't think anything was wrong, but looking inside of me was quickly dismiss that thought.

For breakfast I had a homemade hashbrown. It was golden brown and a little crispy, just the way I like it. I can't tell you how good that hashbrown was. But, just as good and satisfying as it was, as soon as I finished eating it, I had a major headache. My head was throbbing as if someone was hitting me with a hammer. I was confused and wondered what was going on with my body.

A couple of minutes passed and the headache subsided, but then I started feeling hungry. Now didn't I just eat, not even 30 minutes ago? Now, I really didn't know what was going on with this body of mine.

To tackle this hungry I decided to eat a bowl of cereal. I chose my favorite new cereal, Raisin Bran Crunch. Those cereal are the bomb, great. I L-O-V-E them. Anyway, I ate the bowl and felt full. My headache was gone and my stomache was satisfied. Was my mind playing tricks on me?

I thought everything was fine until, uh oh, my stomach started growling about an hour later. I heard the growl again. Wait a minute, that was NOT a growl, that was something bigger. That was my beloved Raisin Bran Crunch doing its job. My stomach is now upset. I ask again, "What is going on with my body?"

Well, the upset stomach feeling lasted all day and I only started feeling better when my body said it was okay. I tried to rush my wellness, but I lost that fight. Sad to say, my body won and I am taking a hiatus from hashbrowns and Raisin Bran Crunch.

Confession IS Good for the Soul

2008-09-08T15:15:00.002-05:00

After writing my post yesterday talking about my procrastination and my not-so-eager attitude to get my license renewed, I FINALLY DID IT!! I mailed the application today and should receive my teacher certification with my master's degree added on in about a couple of weeks. This may not seem like a big deal, but with me it kinda really is. You see, I had the application filled out sitting on my dresser so long that I had to fill out another one because it was dated for July. But, with the confession in the post yesterday, I was able to "see the light" and do what was right and what needed to be done.

Procrastination Is My Strong Suit

2008-09-07T16:33:00.004-05:00

Now I'm not one to advocate procrastination, but it seems I am very good at it. I guess I've spent years perfecting it. Why the subject of procrastination, you ask? Well, honestly it's because I'm ready to return to the classroom, but my principal hasn't called me in yet. I don't have a clue as to what's taking her so long. I know what role I'm to play this year in the classroom, but I think she doesn't trust my capabilities since my accident. This year I'm to be a tutor, helping students who read below grade level. Well, I'm excited about returning and teaching and making a difference, but aside from the principal not calling me already, I can't legally teach at this present moment.

I know, I know...I haven't gotten my updated license from the state. No, they haven't sent it, but it's only because I haven't mailed it. I have the completed package sitting on my dresser ready to be stamped and mailed. But me, being the queen of the dreaded P, haven't "gotten around to it."

Okay lightbulb, writing this post has made me realize how this all sounds, seems like I'm crazy, and I'm determined to mail it tomorrow. YAAAYYYY. With that said, I will be ready when I'm called to return to my passion, teaching.

Where Are My Clothes?

2008-08-01T15:50:00.000-05:00

Anyone who knows me, knows that I love clothes and love to shop. Well, since the accident, that love has shifted and I haven’t been as enthusiastic about either. Tuesday I went through one of the closets that hold my clothes because basically I had gotten sick and tired of wearing the same outfits to church and out and also sick of people asking me “What you wanna wear”, but not giving me any idea of my options. That is sooooo frustrating. How would you feel if you hadn’t seen your clothes in 3 years and someone asked you what you wanted to wear? You should think one of you are crazy. They assume that you should know what you bought three years ago, but that’s insane, how could I remember everything I owned.

Well anyway, I’m glad that I have a mom who loves me and understands the obstacles that I have even when it comes to choosing an outfit to wear. My mom showed me the contents of the closet and I was able to actually see what I have and thankfully choose a different outfit when I go out. I have a nice selection of clothes, if I have to say so myself and some lucky person, who shall remain nameless, lol, will bask in the clothes that I love but have chosen not to adorn myself in. She should’ve been the one to clean out the closet. But, she has nothing to worry about, there are other closets to tackle.

It's A Slow Week

2008-07-22T06:22:00.002-05:00

Created by

Remember, I'm only typing with one finger. Cut a girl some slack.

Are We Running Late....?

2008-07-18T17:00:00.003-05:00

Last Friday my soon-to-be brother-in-law, wow that's a mouthful, asked me "Will y'all be late tomorrow for church?" I responded, "it's not my fault that they are late for church." Now if you would ask anyone that lives here, there would probably be a consensus that it is indeed my fault when we are late. I would whole heartedly dispute that and I have facts to prove it.

We were never late when I went to school.
We are not late when I have a dr.'s appt.
It only takes me about 40 min total, to get ready and be out the door.
The fam gets up no later than 7:30 and still aren't ready by 9:00.

These facts, IMO, prove that I'm not at fault when we're late. Find someone else to blame.

A Quick Update.....

2008-07-16T17:56:00.002-05:00

I know its been a minute since I've written anything, but nothing much has happened. Well, nothing really exciting. I started writing a post about my upcoming road trip that was occurring for the 4th of July, but didn't get an opportunity to complete it, so I deleted it.

Well, school starts in about 3 weeks. I'm somewhat happy, somewhat apprehensive about it all. There are a few things on my to do list and once they are all taken care of, my mind may be at ease, but until then, I'm like a silent maniac. I still need to go to the school and check it out in my other chair and more impotantly, I need to get my transcript mailed. Okay, so that's the work update.

On the home front, I still have a lot of company. Sometimes it's okay, oyher times, notsomuch. All in all, everything is going great. Although I did I ask my mom did she know how to cook for four, b/c pretty soon that's all that'll be here.

Does He Think This Is A Joke?

2008-06-26T20:50:00.002-05:00

My brother has proven to me that he really is crazy or out of touch with reality, IMO. He told me that it is a good thing to be hurting or feeling dizzy. Why? This is his response anytime I say I don't feel good: "That just means you're healthy." I guess it's not too bad because sometimes I smile on the inside when he says it, but NEVER should I let him in on this secret. Note: Anyone who is reading this and knows him, I would appreciate it if you don't tell him about this. You may say, he can read it for himself. Trust me, he isn't the least bit interested in reading a blog, so he will not be coming to this site unless someone encourages him.

Okay, back to why I think he is crazy. He brings me pancakes and says, "Keep on eating pancakes, you're going to be sick." Actually sick wasn't the word, but I believe in the power of the tongue, so I choose not to write or repeat what he said. Anyway, we start to talk about the power of the tongue and he says that "the power of the tongue" means from God's tongue. That statement told me that "something isn't right up there."

Now don't get me wrong, I love him dearly, but he needs a little help.

Pain Is No Joke

2008-06-25T14:10:00.004-05:00

So I haven't been feeling myself for a couple days now. This pain in my hands, legs, and back has been kicking my butt. One may ask, "How can you be hurting so much if you have no feeling in those areas?" I don't know, but I can't dismiss the fact that I'm hurting. My fingers feel like I have them balled up while simultaneously sticking them with stick or push pins. My legs and back feel like they are on fire and I keep getting these internal shocks going through my leg. The one direction I thought that I could lay and be comfortable isn't working for me anymore. Something is going on and it needs to be fixed immediately. This aching isn't going to get it.

I was once told that a man who was paralyzed told his doctor that he was hurting. The doctor replied that it was all in his head. The paralyzed man told the doctor if he was to hit him with a hammer, would that just be all in his head?

I wish a doctor or anyone would tell me that my pain is in my head.

I Am Having Sensory Overload

2008-06-21T23:29:00.003-05:00

I know that I don't have ADHD or anything of that sort, but right about now I could be a candidate for prescription. There are TOO many things going on at once in this house. I should be used to this by now, but each time there is a house full of people I am shocked by the noise that erupts.

To start things off, someone is singing loudly, really loud. The girls are running from the front to the back. Only God knows why. Someone else hasn't been taught how to properly close a door, because every time they pass through that back door they SLAM it. Someone else decides to vacuum. Why does it take sooo long to vacuum? Oh, and not to leave KeWan out, he's crying. Guess he wants to be heard too.

My Trip to the Beauty Shop

2008-06-19T23:25:00.004-05:00

Tuesday I went to the beauty shop to get my hair done. This trip was long overdue. I hadn't been in a minute because my beautician has been out of the shop for about a month, and I have refused to allow my mom to hotcomb my hair. Well, we get to the shop, and I get my hair washed and head to the dryer. After my hair is dried, my beautician says, "I have been wondering who you look like and I saw your grandmother and thought that's Kim without the curl." Anyone who knows me, knows how this made me feel. I won't go in detail. We quickly get off the topic of who I look like, and my niece says, "Wow, look at your hair, I like that." I'm happy she approves.

My trips to the beauty shop have improved tremendously. Maybe this is because I now like my hair. At the time of the car accident I had hair, but after surgery, a halo, and other things hair is not supposed to go through, my hair came out. I was devastated and prayed hard for my hair to return. My hair has indeed returned and I am so elated. Now if I can just get someone to style it in a way that I approve.

What Do Dreams Mean?

2008-06-16T18:43:00.003-05:00

So it is said that everyone dreams and does so nightly, even if one doesn't remember the dream. The question was asked at http://disaboom.com/ do people with disabilities walk or ride in their dreams. It got me to thinking about my own dreams and how I was moving from one location to another. I guess mobility is not that important in my dreams. Lately I have been dreaming, but can not see below my waist, so who knows whether I'm walking or riding. Well, last night I had a kinda weird dream. In the dream I was walking, and that's fantastic and all, but the part that confused me was how I came about walking.

So here's the dream: The dream takes place in our old house in the living room. My sister and I are upset with one another and begin arguing. I have no idea why, it's no apparent in the dream. I get on the phone in hopes of ignoring her. This infuriates her and causes her to do the most unthinkable act, she gets on the other end of the phone line and tells a friend, "She's paralyzed, she's been hiding that from you!" I am so upset with her and in response I hang up the phone. She runs out the house, but get this, I'm so mad that I get up and run after her. crazy, huh? This action surprises her, but I'm slow to come to reality, so it takes a minute for it to register what has happened. Some way or another we end up in a convertible car. don't ask, I have no idea.

I don't know if dreams are subconscious or compilations of a day's events, either way in my dreams, I'm walking which is great in my book.

Family Gatherings

2008-06-15T22:05:00.003-05:00

In addition to it being Father's Day, we had a family gathering for my grandmother's birthday. It was a great day with all the family gathered together in one place. We laughed, talked, ate, and the kids played. After all that was over here come the dreaded part; the part I HATE, taking pictures. I have never liked taking pictures, but now because of this chair, taking pictures makes my skin crawl. Pictures have the likelihood of showing up on the web and who knows what they may end up looking like. All in all, it was a good day and other than those flashing cameras and BabyBrother trying to sneak pictures, I would love to do it more often.

A Good Night’s Sleep Is Priceless

2008-06-14T21:45:00.001-05:00

Last night was one of those nights where sleep did not come easily. Maybe from my mood or the way I laid, either way it wasn’t good for me. This morning when I awoke, I was sleepy, hungry and a disgruntled person.

It’s not good to go to sleep upset. Either you’ll sleep way too long or in my case, not long enough. This not sleeping enough did not affect my mood at church today, although I thought early on that it would. But in the end, church was okay, thanks to Bro. Johnson, and sleep waited until I got home.

Can I Get A Ride?

2008-06-13T18:14:00.002-05:00

Family is going to the ATL. Initially I was apprehensive and wasn't sure that was a trip I wanted to take. Well, this morning I awake and my mom tells me she's no longer going as planned. I'm a little relieved, is that selfish? I hope not. Well, hours later, the sister informs me that my mom is in fact going as planned. The plans have changed again. Now get this, I DO want to go. I haven't taken a trip in a minute and I do believe that I'm long overdue for one. So, should I inform everyone that I do desire to go or just count my losses and catch the next train outta here. Either way, I just wanna get a ride to somewhere......and soon.

Just A Lil More Independence

2008-06-12T13:29:00.003-05:00

I am almost always wishing for just a lil more independence. Being very independent to now being totally dependent can change one's perspective and may even cause you to lose your mind. Arrgh!!! I think of my dependence a lot, but it REALLY bothers me when I ask someone to do assist me and they say no or ignore me altogether. This was the case yesterday with my sister.

This is how the story goes:
My neck was cramping, tight, whatever you wanna call it, so I was trying to be independent in relieving and stretching it. I started to move my pillow from under my head, I was having a difficult time. She walks in and says, "if you take it from under there, I'm not putting it back." I explain that my neck is hurting. This doesn't faze her. I put the pillow back and she sees that I am now upset with her. She tries to amend her actions and console, but it's too late. I don't wanna hear anything she has to say.

You know, I don't understand why people can't understand how words and comments they make affect others emotions. She knows personally that I can't do a lot on my own, so why not let me do what I am able to. After she saw that I was clearly upset, she says, "I was playing." Don't play with me, you don't want me playing with you about money when you're broke.

I just wish I was able to do more for myself...just a lil bit more independence.

No Need to Feel Inadequate

2008-06-11T14:03:00.002-05:00

I'm so thankful for my friends. My true friends are very important and whether they know it or not, are a crucial part of my life. Because yesterday was not one of my better days, I was a little down. I received a phone call shortly after writing my post yesterday, and unbeknownst to my friend of how I was feeling, she starting reading to me from a book I had given her. The topic was on not feeling inadequate. She said most people compare their lives and situations with other people and thus begin to feel inadequate, but this is not something we should do. As she was talking I began crying because I was so amazed that she had called and with no warning, in essence ministered to me and encouraged me at exactly the right moment. I thanked her for her friendship and encouragement and said God was using her to reach me. Oh, what a mighty and all-knowing God I serve.

One of Them Days

2008-06-10T22:45:00.002-05:00

As I think about what I want to write about, Monica's song One of them Days comes to mind. It seems like the perfect title for the day I had. Nothing significant happened. I basically slept alllll day, not because I was sleepy or tired, but because I just didn't want to be awake. It seems kind of sad, and in fact, if I'm being truthful, it is sad, but that's how I felt. I don't think I'm depressed or anything, I just didn't feel like dealing with life and reality today. I think I have a right to give myself a day when I dismiss EVERYTHING and do me, as my friend would say. But all in all, it was productive in the sense that I got some much needed rest. Hey, gotta look at it half-full.

Feelings...It Is What It Is

2008-06-09T19:25:00.002-05:00

I saw this meme on http://www.musingsofahousewife.com/musings_of_a_housewife/its_all_about_meme/index.html

I thought it was pretty cool, so I decided to complete it. Yes, I will be completing more of these in the future and updating this one.

RELUCTANT to lend someone money who is asking to borrow it.

EXCITED that I'll be teaching again in about 2 months.

WORRIED about my father's upcoming surgery.

WONDERING if I'll ever walk again?

RELIEVED to know that if I don't, I'll be okay.

CERTAIN that I'm loved.

CAUTIOUS about showing my true feelings...someone may get hurt.

HAPPY my brother will be home soon.

LOVE candy...basically all kinds.

ADORE my nephew. HE'S SO SWEET.

GRATEFUL that my family is alive and healthy.

When Trust Gets In the Way

2008-06-07T22:25:00.003-05:00

Anyone who has ever been in a situation like mine knows that when you are totally dependent on others, sometimes trust has to fly out the window. Before the accident I was a normal young woman, but didn't trust people easily or a lot of people. Since the accident, it seems that the lack of trust has been magnified and is beginning to be an issue when it comes to my improvements. I've grown so accustomed to how my family deals with me and takes care of me, that I shudder at the thought of asking a stranger and God forbid a family member encourage a stranger to assist. No, I'm not rambling, I said that to make this point.

My ex has been trying to assist me in various areas for a couple of weeks now. This is the same ex that I did not lay eyes on once last year. The same ex that told me, not in words, but actions, that my disability was to0 much to handle. The same ex that would call me when he wanted some information. Now all of a sudden he has shown a renewed interest in my life. He is trying to get supplies for me, get me in therapy, visiting me, and doing other things.

I'm not trying to be selfish or anything, but like I told him, I don't trust him. I would hate to miss out on something great because of my feelings toward him, but I just feel that he has a motive for his interest in my well-being. If this assistance had been consistent or even his actions toward me consistent, I wouldn't need to examine his reasons for wanting to help, but since that isn't the case, oh well.

Hello, To All The World

2008-06-06T14:11:00.003-05:00

Let me introduce you to me and my blog. I'm starting this blog to track my journey from a non-working paralyzed person, back to the classroom doing what I love, teaching. Throughout my journey I will share my thoughts and feelings, both good and bad, and see if I have indeed made the correct decision when deciding to return to the classroom. I hope to be able to objectively share experiences and on the way, touch a soul.

ENJOY and return daily and remember to comment.